I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
