He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
