omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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