Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
