this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
