Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
