she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
