i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
