No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
