I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
