just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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