Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
