it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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