soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
