I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
