I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
