just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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