i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
