Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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