my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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