Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
