you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
