im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
