my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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