It's Friday. Sex?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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