Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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