yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
