I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
