I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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