Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
