the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
