God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
