I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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