Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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