My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
