i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
