youre lurking in front of me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
