I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
