I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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