How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
