For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
