...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
