I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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