Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will be naked everywhere
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
