i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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