His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
