I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
