You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
