We need to rekindle our bromance
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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