With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
