you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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