all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blood and glitter go together right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
