it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
