So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
